


broken light

by AmandaBecker



Series: second chances [1]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Goodbyes, Hurt, Love, Pain, Sidlotte - Freeform, Suffering, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:28:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22650262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaBecker/pseuds/AmandaBecker
Summary: Back to Babbington's wedding. Charlotte's reaction is not at all what was expected.But not everything is always as it seems.
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Series: second chances [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1629343
Comments: 18
Kudos: 74





	broken light

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first work for the challenge #6 sanditon valentines by @sanditoncreative.  
> Prompt 'Luv/Love you'

„How do you do, Miss Heywood?“ Sidney asked hesitantly.  
„What do you think, Mr. Parker?“ what a barsh question however her face remained blank.  
„I deserve that.“ he muttered.  
„What exactly?“  
He didn’t answered that and asked politly,  
„Hope your family is well?“  
„Very well, thank you. They happily don’t know what happend to me.“ she was not in a very good mood. She looked at him and saw that he understood.  
„Is this how it's Gong to be between us from now on?“ tears glittering in his eyes.  
„It’s the way you choose it, Mr. Parker....so you have to live with that.“  
„Charlotte...“ he breathed.  
„Furthermore I am sure, we’ll never see us again.“ She stretched her chin but she avoided his gaze this time. He gasped for air, as if he choked as he understood the full meaning of her words.  
„How are your own wedding preperations?“ she asked, feeling cold inside.  
„Elaboured.“ his face full of hurt and regret. And for a little moment they looked into each other's souls.

„Who had thought a London wedding would be so exhausting?“ Mrs. Camipon asked suddenly while she clung to Sidney's arm and pursed her lips. Charlotte could not suppress the annoyed look at her and with an ironic smile, she answered.  
„I think you should know since your first wedding there.“  
Sidney closed his eyes brifly, she was sarcastic and hurting herself with this conversation.  
Eliza seemed surprised and had to collect herself for a moment before she continued speaking.

„Maybe we should have a country wedding as well?“ She asked Sidney without waiting for an answer. He looked away.  
„I don't think it will suit you.“ Charlotte said an evil glimmer in her voice.  
„Oh, so Miss Heywood, what do you think will suit us then?“ Eliza asked mocking. Sidney looked ashamed.  
„I think a London wedding suits you very well. With the beau mode, you belong to.“  
Charlotte remembered their conversation about that fact, that he didn’t belong there. But she wanted to hurt him. He locked his eyes with hers again.  
„You deserve that, after all the time.“ Charlotte noticed to Eliza. It wasn't real. She wasn't real anymore. She wasn’t herself anymore.  
„You have to come, to see by yourself.“ Eliza said, her voice trembled. Sidney stiffened next to her.  
„Oh no, I wouldn’t trouble you with my apperance.“ Eliza opened her mouth to answer that but Charlotte couldn’t resist to explain.  
„I have nothing in common with anyone there.“  
Eliza wanted to say something back, but Charlotte wasn't finished.  
„You have a lot in common.“  
There was long moment of silence, because everyone of this three knew it was not the truth. Sidney looked stunned, if by the strengh Charlotte pretend or by the choosen words he couldn’t say, but he was sure his heart was bleeding and bursting with the hurt he caused her.  
„Excuse me.“

*  
’One last look to him’ she thought as she searched for him over the crowd. He was standing with Eliza discussing something with Tom and Mary. Tom looked like as he had physical pain. The children were running around them and Charlotte thought to herself it’s for them.  
She would not regret ever sat a food in Sanditon like Esther told her once, it was the greatest adventure in her life but she was afraid it would always hold the memories of this small but so hurtfull episode to be in love with Mr. Sidney Parker. And his hurtful expression told her he was feeling the same. Also she didn’t regret what she said to him. He should know what he had done, also Charlotte knew he had done it for his family. It was hurting her that she would never be a part of it. That he choose them over her. 

Also she knew she would never allowed him to do otherwise.

Sidney was nowhere to be seen when Charlotte let her eyes wander one last time. Since almost everyone was paying attention to the happy couple whose groom was giving a speech, Charlotte was finally able to sneak away without even a soul seeming to miss her.

*

Charlotte bent down to say her final goodbye to the children. She prepared herself for a hug from Mary and to try to hold back the tears. But the hug did not come.

"I am sorry Sidney couldn't be here."  
Stunned that she can make such a tactless remark after she knew how Charlotte felt about him, she only replied politely  
"He has other commitments." Charlotte just couldn't help herself, she was hurt by Mary's supposed indifference, so she continued.  
"It's not like I mean anything to him." a pain pierced her heart by her own lie.

Mary flinched at the words and tears glittered in her eyes.  
"I hope you don’t regret ever come to Sanditon."  
"Of course not, it was the greatest adventure of my life. Although I could do without many things that happened."  
Before any of the Parkers could say anything back, Charlotte got in the carriage, waved to the kids and even before the carriage left, she lowered her eyes and did not raise them again until they were on the cliff. 

The memory of the kiss, the promise that came with it, flowed through her and she closed her eyes at the memory of his lips on hers. And as the surroundings drifted away, while she remembered the warmth and light that his love awakened in her at that moment, the carriage stopped. Irritated, she leaned out of the window and could not help but felt hope germinating in her as he came towards her, big and broad and with powerful steps. Charlotte left the carriage and looked at him expectantly. Her heart was pounding in her throat and she thought she would faint at any moment.

"I could not let you going..."  
Charlotte wondered if he would tell her that he loved her and he would find a way? A smile almost appeared on her face, but when she heard his next words it died away during the construction.  
"I hope you don't think too badly of me....."

She made a sarcastic sound, which could almost have been a laugh.  
"Think to badly of you?" She looked at him and her eyes were icy cold.  
"I don't think about you anymore."  
"Charlotte, I think..."  
"I don't care what you think."  
"I don't believe you."  
"Believe it or not."  
"I know you have feelings for me and..."  
"Yeah, and you don't care about them."

Oh, that hurt. She knew that wasn't the truth. It still hurt like hell. And it seemed Sidney couldn't help himself, he kept pushing.

"That's not true. You know that." He reached for her hand.  
"I know that I hate you," she spat out.  
"You don't hate me." His voice broke. It sounded like a plea.  
"That's right," she admitted, trying to get away from his grip. He looked at her piercingly.  
"I hate me."  
"No, Charlotte, why..."  
"I hate myself for loving you." she admitted and as if it wasn't hard enough already, he pulled her closer.  
"Say that again."  
"Let go of me." she wriggled out of his grip, but he wouldn't let go.  
"I love you. Charlotte." 

She turned her head away. He wrapped his arms around her waist, she pushed him away and began to beat his chest. And although it wasn't firm or painful, the very thought that she reacted like that was unbearable. Sidney hugged her tighter and made her rest on his chest. She cried so bitterly that her tremor passed to him. At first he tried to calm her down by stroking her back. Suddenly he lovingly stroked her curls and she whimpered at the tender gesture and pressed herself closer to him. Her hands clawed into his coat and she muttered into his chest.

"What do you say?"  
"I hate you." she whispered in a husky voice.  
"I know."  
Charlotte sobbed and wrapped her arms around his waist. They stood there, tightly embraced, the world disappeared. When she had no more tears, she broke away from him.  
"Forgive me," she said.  
Shaking his head, since there was nothing to forgive, he looked at her questioningly. But there her lips were already on his and as if he had ever had a chance to escape her, he groaned in relief and deepened the kiss.

She didn't care. She didn't mind. One more time. What was a kiss, for a life without him? Just to feel his warmth and his love once more. Just one last time. 

"Charlotte, we must stop."  
"Yes, of course." Her sarcasm was back.  
"Charlotte..."  
"No, you're right. What would she think."  
"She is not...."  
"But of course. If she found out, she'd punish you."  
"Charlotte, I don't want people to talk..."  
"What can these words do to me?" she asked, her voice dripping with pain.  
"But..."  
"My heart is broken. Nothing is the same anymore. I go home as a stranger. I feel like I don't belong anywhere anymore. You broke me....my light inside."  
Her tears obscured her gaze, but she would not cry again. She put on a mocking smile, curtsied and bowed her head excessively low.

"Charlotte"  
"Goodbye."  
„Charlotte wait.“  
„Why should I?“

*

„I love you.“ He looked hurt and his hands griped her face.  
„Come back to me.“ he whispered.  
Charlotte tried to free herself from his hands, to wriggle out of his embrace.  
"Let me go."  
"Never."

Charlotte sobbed so heartbreakingly that it broke Sidney's heart over and over again. How could he convince her that he loved her and she was the only one for him?  
"Sweetheart please!" his voice sounded desperate and she could bear it even less than her own pain.  
"Look at me, please my Love, open your eyes."

When she finally opened her eyes, she saw his worried face. His warm eyes glistening with unshared tears.  
"Charlotte." a slight smile played around his magic mouth and she wrapped her arms around his neck.  
"How was it this time?" he asked softly on her neck as he began to kiss her tenderly.  
"The wedding...and I...I was so mean to everyone."  
"Honey, it was just a dream."  
"But I was so mean."  
"That's the anger you still carry inside you." His voice broke.  
"I broke your light then, but your broken light is shining again.“

Tears glittered in her eyes, she was tired of the memories coming back and she had the feeling that they had both suffered enough already, as it was still in her dreams. To experience it again and again after all this time was just so unfair.

"And my mother thinks it's also the circumstances... that I'm so emotional."  
He grinned his crooked smile and let his mouth wander down her neck to her breasts. They were swollen and more sensitive. It didn't take much to hear a happy moan from her beautiful mouth. First his hands and then his mouth reached the swelling further down. 

"Hello, my little one."  
He kissed her belly tenderly. It tickled while he said more tender things to their unborn child and Charlotte's smile came back. As she looked down and saw her beloved husband talking to her belly, her heart swelled and the bad dream disappeared from her thoughts. Unthinkable that it could ever have been any other way, she reached into his hair and pulled him to her. They kissed lovingly and slowly. But as always with them, within moments, the most tender kiss turned into a passionate fire to which they willingly surrendered.

"I love you, Sidney."  
"I love you, Charlotte. You are my light."


End file.
